what a week

I don’t even know where to begin.  It’s been a crazy, emotional week.  The hard drive in my MacBook died Monday after I had just met with some friends for a fundraiser brainstorming meeting.  It worked, and then suddenly without warning it didn’t.  It’s crazy how much I rely on my computer, and I’ve felt so “stuck” without it.  I’ve needed to edit images from a couple of recent sessions and work on adoption & fundraising stuff.  I’ve needed my calendar (which, of course, is on my computer).  I’ve needed to (finally) finish updating my photography website, etc., etc.  The list goes on and on.  So, I’ve felt like all my little projects have been at a standstill.  Thankfully I was pretty well backed up and didn’t lose too much.  Brad ordered a new hard drive and replaced it yesterday, and I spent some time last night and this morning trying to get everything back up and running.

One thing I did during my little unplanned “vacation” is read the book that came with our agency packet.  We’ve chosen to use All God’s Children International (AGCI) as our placing agency.  We received a packet of information from them a couple of months ago, and in it was a book.  I didn’t give it much thought and figured I’d eventually get around to reading it one day.  Well, life has a way of getting busy, and I never picked it up.  Wednesday I decided to start reading it, and by Thursday afternoon, I had finished.  It is an amazing book, and I would recommend it to everyone who’s considering adoption.  It’s by Jan Beazely (co-founder of AGCI), and it’s called The Strength of Mercy.  As frustrating as my computer woes have been this week, I’m so thankful for the “down” time to read it.

I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster this week.  I’m typically not too “weepy,” but I’ve cried so many tears in the past few days.  I find myself longing for our little boy a lot and sad that we’re missing out on this part of his life.  When I see a boy that looks to be 2 or 3 years old, it makes me sad.  I start wondering what our son looks like, who’s taking care of him, and if he feels lonely or afraid.  I sat and watched the news coverage on Haiti, and tears just rolled down my cheeks continuously.  I felt sad, and I felt so frustrated that adoption is so expensive and that the process is so long and hard.  I feel like those things keep people from adopting, and there is SUCH a HUGE need.  I saw those precious faces, and I just longed for their lives to be different – to be whole.  I’ve watched news coverage about disasters like that before, but I’ve never grieved the way I have this week.  I’ve never wanted to jump on a plane so badly and go do something to help.  With all my “problems” this week, I’ve realized once again that suffering is SO relative.  My troubles are absolutely NOTHING compared to what the people in Haiti have experienced this week.

I have some good news on the adoption front.  We finished all our paperwork for our home study!!!  That means I’ve made copies of our birth certificates, marriage certificate, water bill, and tax returns.  It means that I’ve gathered statements from our bank and Brad’s employer stating that we’re financially “stable.”  It means that we’ve all had physicals done and gotten our medical forms completed (including TB tests for Brad and me).  It means that four letters of recommendation have been sent and criminal checks have been run and a BUNCH of other forms have been completed and signed.  It even means that our cat is up-to-date on his vaccinations (ha!).  So, everything will be submitted to our case worker on Monday, and we’ll be able to start our home visits.  I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have that part done.  I’m starting to understand now why people say that adoption isn’t for the faint of heart!  It’s been a physically and emotionally taxing week.  I know it will be worth it, though, and I’m taking it one day at a time.

I don’t have Photoshop up and running again yet, so these are SOOC (straight-out-of-camera) and uploaded some weird way I don’t usually use.  Anyway, I thought you might like to see what a hard drive actually looks like.  Maybe you already knew, but I had no idea.  Also, this is my hot hubby/computer-fixer.  [Yes, I realize it looks as if he's got a small animal on his chin.  Call me crazy, but I actually really like it!]

Check back later in the week for birthday pictures.  Cole is turning SEVEN tomorrow (ack!!!!), and he’s having a birthday party sleepover (at his request) with a couple of friends tomorrow night.  Should be lots of fun . . . for the kids anyway!